The Healing Fires
As I learn more about the various goddesses of the world I find myself most
often drawn to the Fire Goddesses. The intrigue and attract me. Since I have
learned that fire is most often associated with male deities (at least in
the Classical pantheon), I have been especially fascinated by those Goddesses
I have found that are associated with fire and the Sun. One of the first
I learned of was Pele, the Hawaiian Volcano Goddesses. We met once on a
meditation journey. She was both fierce and powerful, I felt honored to have
met her. The Fire Goddesses I am most familiar with are those of the Celtic
and Nordic pantheons. Goddesses such as Brigid & Grainne, Sunna (Sol)
& Freya.
These powerful deities have helped me overcome my own feelings of helplessness
and powerlessness. The Fire Goddesses are a shining example of the potential
in all women. Many woman identify with the nurturing, mothering, earthy aspect
of the Goddess. I have always felt more comfortable with the Battle Queen
aspect, that fiery and furious defender of her people. Part of this may be
attributed to my astrological signs (I am a Leo, with several other signs
in the Sun, born in the Year of the Fire Horse), but I think it is mostly
due to my childhood.
As a child I suffered sexual, physical and emotion abuse. I was also raped
by a stranger when I was 12. As a result I often felt as though I had done
something to cause these things. I felt dirty and ashamed, and my self-esteem
was non-existent. As I grew older (and I hope wiser) my husband and friends
helped me to realize that these events were not my fault. The people who
did this to me were sick and I suffered as a result of their sickness. For
many years I would lash out in fury at people who had done nothing to me.
Their only mistake was to make a comment or action that reminded me of my
abuse or what happened. I would misplace my anger at innocent people instead
of at the people it was truly aimed at.
Once I accepted this knowledge, I was able to get in touch with the rage
I had kept bottled inside myself for so long. For many years I've been horrified
by this all-consuming rage that swept through me at inappropriate times.
I didn't think I was allowed to get angry with the people who had hurt me
because, in some cases, these people were family members and authority figures.
The fact that my mother, whom I had always considered an archetypal earth
mother, was very passive and lacked any inner fire didn't help me much either.
She did not possess that fierce, fiery protective instinct some mothers have.
She could be very nurturing but as a role model her example was that women
did not get angry and rave.
I now believe that in order to feel cleansed and healthy I need to find my
inner rage and to utilize it. I must allow the flames of rage I have felt
towards those that hurt me to express itself. I believe that if I can allow
this cleansing fury to devour the bad feelings I have, then good, positive
feelings will grow in their place. I need to face the fury I have kept inside
for so long as well as the resentment I feel for my mother for failing to
protect me.
I believe the Fire Goddesses can help me in this endeavor because they show
that it is possible to feel fury and anger and not to let it destroy you.
These Goddesses are known for their love and protection of their children.
There are still folk tales telling of how they defied authority figures in
order to help their children or themselves. Their fiery glow and warmth can
act as a beacon to help me guide myself through the inner darkness that I
fear so much. After all fire may burn and destroy all in its path but it
also allows new shoots to sprout through the singed earth.
Fire Meditation
I created this fire meditation in order to help me overcome my inability
to express my rage in a healthy, productive manner.
You are in a forest. All around you trees are dead and withered. You
don't hear or see any signs of life. No birds are chirping and no bugs are
singing. There are no rustling bushes indicating animals nearby.
Ahead of you is a dusty, old trail. You follow it. AT the end of the
trail you meet a woman tending a fire. You speak to her, asking about the
forest. The woman ignores you, continuing to add twigs to the flames.
Mysteriously the fire remains small, despite the number of twigs she has
added. You attempt to speak with her again, asking where you are. Once again
she ignores you. You feel you annoyance build. Once again you try to speak
to her and she ignores you. You are beginning to become angry. You can feel
it building within you, but you try to tamp it down. You make several more
attempts to speak to the woman. Each time she ignores you. Each time your
anger builds.
Finally, after several failed attempts to converse with the woman, you
lose control of you temper and begin raging at the woman. With each word
you inner fire grows larger and hotter. It consumes both you and the forest.
You feel the flames sweeping over you. They burn and scorch you but you feel
no pain. You hold out you arms and watch in amazement as the fire dances
along them. You are a human torch, you feel as though you in the heart of
an erupting volcano or in the center of the sun.
As the flames consume you, call up all the rage and anger you have buried
within yourself. Feel these emotions sweep over you. Let them cover you from
head to toe and watch them join the flames already licking at your body.
Feel the rage, fury, pain and hurt blazing through you. Once you feel you
have freed all these buried emotions, feel the flames begin to die down.
Slowly watch the flames flicker and die. Once the flames have completely
extinguished, you look around in amazement. Where there was once nothing
but dead, scorched earth you now see shrubs and grasses beginning to sprout.
You hear insect buzzing, birds chirping and animals foraging.
Then you notice another woman in the clearing. She beckons you closer.
As you approach her she speaks to you. She explains that she is the Fire
Goddess, the Keeper of the Flame. It is her job to help those whose spark
is being extinguished, or whose inner fires are destroying them, learn how
to control it. She explains that rage and anger are healthy and necessary
to keep that inner spark burning. She also tells you that this inner flame
can be very destructive if it's not used in a healthy manner and aimed at
those who deserve it. Otherwise we risk burning ourselves. She tells you
that the fire cannot hurt you if it is properly used. It is only when we
aim our rage inward or at others unjustly, that it consumes us.
When she has finished she holds you tight and vows to return whenever you need her. Then she disappears. You find the path back and return home.